More than 20 million Americans take care of an older relative while raising their own children at the same time. But who is taking care of the caregivers? Gerontologist Alexis Abramson shares advice and guidance to minimize the stress of these difficult responsibilities.

Recently an AARP study indicated that the average American woman can expect to spend more years caring for her parents than she did her children. And men are not out of the woods either - the number of men participating in caregiving has risen to 44 percent over the last few years.

Caring for a mature adult can be physically and emotionally demanding, particularly for older caregivers, who make up half of all caregivers.

In 2000, 54 million people were involved in some level of caregiving and spent, on average, more than 20 hours per week in this capacity. Fifty-nine percent of the adult population either is or expects to be a family caregiver.

Here are some tips to assist you in this difficult task.

TRY NOT TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE PICTURE

Take everything one step at a time. This is a big job, so treat it like you would if you were planning a trip or starting a business. Break the job of caregiving into small increments by dividing up the necessary tasks - identify who, what, when and where you should put your resources and time in terms of caregiving responsibilities.

GIVE YOURSELF LOTS OF CREDIT

You deserve every pat on the back that comes your way, including those from yourself. Make sure you take the time to respect yourself. One of the best ways you can honor your parents is to take good care of what they cherish most - you. You should never feel guilty about taking care of your needs and by doing so, you will be better equipped physically and emotionally to provide care for them.

ASK FOR HELP

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness - it's human. You will need to be very specific about what you need and when you need it. Despite how much you want to help, sometimes your parent needs round-the-clock care and constant supervision that you can't provide.

When that happens, someone, or some place, may be better equipped to provide the majority of your parents' care than you. Whether you need someone to help with the physical aspects of your parents' care or just a pair (or several pairs) of sympathetic ears, seek the help you need.

ESTABLISH DAILY ROUTINES

Having a routine will help to minimize stress. While no one has the time or energy to do everything for everybody, you must make it a priority to accomplish the tasks that are most important to you and for those you are caring for. By establishing priorities and allowing some flexibility for the unexpected you can help ensure that the most important needs are met and the most important tasks get done.

DON'T SUCCUMB TO PEER PRESSURE

Sometimes we feel guilty because our friends and family members might say, "I would never put my mother in a nursing home," or perhaps you have heard, "I would quit my job before I'd let a stranger take care of Dad." Chances are these people are suffering from their own guilt issues. By putting down and diminishing your caregiving decisions and choices, they hope to make themselves feel better. Although you should listen to them, do what your heart tells you is best for your situation while simultaneously considering what your circumstances will permit.